Real Friends vs Fake Friends

I reviewed this article years ago and thought it fit today's society of people and relationships. In a world where bullying is running rampant and betrayal and deceit is commonplace, it should not be surprising to learn that kids can be surrounded by mean girls and boys, and even fake friends.

Fake friends are phonies that use others to meet their needs. They also tend to bully and be part of cliques. Likewise, fake friends are one-dimensional and care only about themselves. For this reason, it’s important that kids learn how to distinguish between real friends and fake ones, because being associated with a fake friend often results in being bullied.

Why Do People Bully
Here is a list of characteristics to review with your kids. If their friends have these characteristics, then they are likely fake friends. And, it might be time to start building some new relationships.

“Fake friends are selfish.” Typically, a fake friend will only call your child when they want or need something. Rarely, will they call for other reasons. Be sure your child knows that if a friend is not calling to check in or just to chat, then that person is not really a friend at all.

“Fake friends thrive on gossip and drama.” Stress to your kids that if someone enjoys gossiping about others, then they may be gossiping behind their backs as well. Gossiping and spreading rumors has serious consequences and is at the base of relational aggression and other types of bullying. Be sure your kids know that they should avoid friendships with people who thrive on gossip.

“Fake friends require you to pretend.” The hallmark of a healthy friendship is that you can be yourself. If your children feel like they have to wear a mask or can’t be authentic, then that is the sign of a fake friend. In other words, if your child has to talk or dress differently in order to fit in, then those people are not true friends. They are probably part of a clique instead of a group of friends. Fake friends also resort to peer pressure, which often leads to bullying, ostracizing and other forms of relational aggression.

“Fake friends lie.” Many times, fake friends do not feel good about who they are so they lie about their accomplishments, their grades, their clothes, their possessions – anything to make themselves look better. And if they lie about themselves, they will lie about your child too. Be sure your child knows that if they catch a friend in multiple lies, it’s probably not a healthy friendship.

“Fake friends are critical.” If their friends are constantly criticizing them, it is time to take a closer look at the friendship. Real friends are supportive and encouraging, but fake friends often criticize. Girls in particular are guilty of being critical about weight or weight bullying. This type of bullying is particularly dangerous because it can lead to eating disorders or even self-harming behavior.

“Fake friends are not happy when you succeed.” If your kids’ friends have something insulting to say every time time they succeed, then they are not real friends. Real friends celebrate one another’s accomplishments.

“Fake friends are not trustworthy.” Usually, good friends will keep one another’s secrets. In other words, real friends don’t tell the world who your child is crushing on. If your child’s friends are always spilling the beans, then it’s time to start considering that the friend is a bully.

“Fake friends rarely have your back.” Real friends will stick up for one another, especially when faced with bullying. Meanwhile, a fake friend will either be a quiet bystander to the bullying or may even take part in the bullying to avoid becoming the next victim of bullying. If this is a regular occurrence, your child should consider either talking with the friend about being passive or start looking for another group of friends.

It's healthy to have real friends, but only those that are unconditionally supportive and genuine.

"They are not your friends UNTIL they have defended you in your absence."